POLICE CHIEF FOUND DEAD 
In an upsetting turn of events, Granville’s Chief of Police was found dead in his office this morning by fellow law enforcers. Clear signs, including a note of explanation, show the cause of death to be a suicide, though many co-workers and friends are having difficulty wrapping their heads around the facts of the situation. “He was so happy, doing just fine. This doesn’t make any sense,” explains the Chief’s deputy, Grant Tellen. Others close the Chief are less surprised. “He’d been really quiet lately,” stated subdued friend, Lawrence Swift, “Ever since some of the changes that have been happening with the Force. He didn’t like talking about it, but he didn’t like going to work, being around that place.” An autopsy will be performed later this week and the service, taking place on Friday, will be open to the public. But the facts are clear; Granville’s chief was not who we thought he was. 

ELDERLY WOMAN FOUND HANGING UPSIDE DOWN FROM TREE IN CENTER OF TOWN 

Granville residents awoke this morning to a horrifying sight; a local elderly woman was discovered hanging upside down from the mulberry tree in the middle of town, specific time and cause of death unknown. Surrounding streets have been roped off for the day, the authorities keeping the crime scene closed due to expected unrest and unruly behavior from the town’s youth.  Children had to be removed from the area after they were caught throwing rocks at the hanging corpse, recently identified as the same woman who spoke out so violently against Granville’s neighborhood benefactor, Joe, at last night’s town hall meeting. In light of the horrific event, Joe holds no grudges, saying, “I had wanted to in fact thank her for stating her honest opinion last night, and still wish I had the opportunity. Everyone should have the chance to speak their piece. I am shocked and greatly saddened by this morning’s events.” It is no doubt that the town shares Joe’s point of view, and looks to the generous leader for guidance at such a time.

FARMLAND IN GRANVILLE TAKES A 

TURN FOR THE WORST

Farmlands in Granville, once some of the lushest in the county, are being hit by a string of bad luck. This spring, the land has proven dry and inhospitable, and local agriculturist Horace Spitz surmises that underground water sources may have unexpectedly dried. “There’s no clear explanation, the climate has been the same,” he stated on Monday. Moves were made to attempt an emergency irrigation system, but due to limited time and delays, farms have already been reduced to dusty landscapes. With no clear scientific explanation, some townsfolk are looking elsewhere for reason; “Bad luck, that’s what,” states a local elderly woman, “We got bad luck in the air. Something’s off, and if you don’t believe me, look out your windows.” It seems that one of the more negative results of failing land is the unrest to follow among the public. Granville can only hope its town benefactor, Joe, will have some ideas for a solution. 

JOE BACKS MAYOR'S PLAN TO BEEF UP POLICE FORCE 

This week Joe declared that he will back the Mayor’s plan to increase and improve the Granville Police Force.  The exact amount of financial support is uncertain but our sources tell us that Joe’s contribution is approximately four million dollars total.  Part of the new Granville security plan involves placing sobriety checkpoints at all Granville parameters.  Anyone who enters or leaves the town will be stopped by police and will be required to pass a sobriety test before passing the checkpoint.  The reason for this drastic increase in security is uncertain but is clearly necessary since Joe is financially backing it.

INFANT FOUND DEAD ON ROADSIDE COVERED IN HONEY 

On Sunday evening the Granville Police received a  hysterical phone call from a town resident, who has asked to remain nameless,  reporting a dead infant smeared in honey and covered in ants on the side of the road.  The cause of the infant’s death is unknown as is his identity.  Granville detectives are searching for the parents and possible suspects but there have been no leads thus far. 

GRANVILLE ELEMENTARY HOLDS SONG-WRITING CONTEST TO HONOR JOE 

Elementary school students are starting off the year engaged in good natured competition, participating in a song-writing contest to thank local hero, Joe, for his recent donation to the school. Students in grades 1 through 8 have one week to write and submit their lyrics, and the following week will allot time for musical rehearsal. The contest will conclude with a two hour celebration and performance in our community center, where all are welcome to attend and sing along for the winning numbers! Read below for some sample lyrics already written by 6 year old Patricia Westfield. Be sure to memorize!

“We love Joe!

The best resident Granville’s ever known!

He improved our town

From the sky down to the ground

And we love him,

Yes, we love Joe!”

                                                                                     -Patricia Westfield, age 6

BEES SWARM LOCAL HOUSEHOLD, ALMOST KILLING SMALL BOY 

Hector Benson, a single father and owner of a local restaurant and bar, rushed his son to the hospital Monday night shortly after he tucked him into bed.  When Hector heard a strange buzzing sound coming from his son’s bedroom, he rushed to check on him and found the room swarming with thousands of bees.  After quickly covering his body and arming himself with a can of Raid, he bravely removed his son from the room.   The child is currently in critical condition at Granville Community Hospital, but is fortunately expected to recover with intensive treatment.  Hector escaped with several bee stings on his face and hands.  How the bees entered the Benson home remains a mystery as Hector and the boy swear that all windows in the home were closed and locked and there was no evidence of a beehive anywhere near the home.